parenting teens with Mary Van Geffen

We are joined for today’s pep talk by international parenting coach Mary Van Geffen! After finding herself overwhelmed by her Titanium-Willed Child, Mary became a Simplicity Parenting Counselor® and Professional Co-Active Coach® to help overwhelmed moms with strong-willed or spicy children. Mary has been an epic follow on Instagram and her parent tip-a-day is always packed with so much value.

I asked her to be our guest to talk about parenting teens. We chat about the difference between being in charge versus control, how to foster an energy of cooperation that will help your teens hear you, what the real work of parenting is, a script you can use for setting tech boundaries with you kids, and an exercise to get you clear about the kind of family culture you want to create.

connect with Mary:

instagram

Http://cyclical-parenting.teachable.com/p/the-compassionate-response-meditation-workshop

Https://maryvangeffen.teachable.com/p/calm-in-chaos

the third myth of the college experience

everyone’s loving their college except me

It is nearly impossible to see other people on social media and not compare, but it takes on a whole new meaning for college freshmen. In this pep talk, we chat how social media has transformed the college adjustment period and the pressure around enjoying college especially at the beginning.

second myth of the college experience: you’ll meet all you friends freshmen year

“Everyone has friends already.” “I don’t have anyone to hang with.” There’s an expectation that you get to campus and immediately click, connect, and have a group of friends. For most people that doesn’t happen! In this pep talk, we chat the real timeline of college friendships, stress around picking sophomore year roommates, and why your whole time at college is a great time to meet people (not just freshmen year).

mentor links:

www.maggiedipasquale.com

1:1 mentoring

parent coaching

online membership for college freshmen

the first myth of the college experience: “college is the best time ever”

when your expectations of college don’t meet the reality

“This isn’t what I thought it would be. I’m not sure I like college.” These are common freshman thoughts! We hear over and over again that college is the. best. time. ever. but for most, it doesn’t feel that way right off the bat. Belonging takes time! In this pep talk, we cover the expectations we have surrounding college, what the real reality of being at school is, and how to stay optimistic if you’re not loving it yet. Spoiler alert: you’re not alone!

Any of this resonate and you want extra support? I got you: 1:1 mentoring, parent coaching, and our online membership for college freshmen .

parent episode: what to do if your daughter hates college

Your college kid calls you upset saying they’re unhappy. You don’t know what to do and now you have a pit in your stomach. Parenting a college kid is a different ball game. In this pep talk, I share how to help your student when they say they don’t like school and the shift in parenting that occurs when your goal is to raise an independent, whole hearted young adult.

more mentoring:

3 Reasons Your College Freshman Calls You Upset …and How to Respond to Raise Confident and Capable Young Adults

parenting coaching

2 ways to create foundational mental wellness

We know what it takes to create physical wellness for ourselves, but what about the mental? If you’re someone who runs anxious, stressed, or can find themselves blue, having a solid wellness foundation can be really helpful. In this pep talk, I share two things to do to create a foundation of mental wellness that can help you navigate the ups and downs of life.

a mentor tip for procrastination

Do you procrastinate? If you feel stressed around all you have to do or are someone who tends to put things off, I’ve got a mentor tip for you. It’s to create what I call an “ick list,” and it’s exactly what it sounds like.

listen to the pep talk here:

I created this technique when I had a lot of adulting to do that I kept putting off. The ick list is for the tasks that aren’t fun, pile up, and stress you out over time. I see this kind of stress show up for college students or anyone going back to school. You kind of just want to veg and enjoy the rest of your summer, but you also have a lot to do to get ready for the new school year.

Mentor Insight:

Whenever there’s a transition involved, I always feel like it takes a little more energy to do your regular stuff. I believe this for two reasons: one because you burn extra energy in transition. For example, if you’re a freshman going into college you may feel like you’re using a lot of energy in the anticipation of what’s next. There is a lot of mental energy that goes into anything that involves planning or change.

Secondly, I think that sometimes procrastination can be a nervous system defense mechanism. It can be related to fear and it’s a pattern that we can shift.

This is where the “ick list” comes in. I get out of piece of paper and I write out, not type out, all the things I have to do that are bringing me stress and anything I’ve been procrastinating on. I basically write down all the tasks that are making me feel icky. After I’ve written everything out, I take a look at the list and I pick out the three things that are bringing me the most stress. When that’s complete you pick one of the three things and just get it done.

There’s a little bit of mentor self-discovery here too. For myself, I learned that what causes me stress is how long something has been on my list not how big the task is. The longer I put it off, the more stress it brings me.

Also, when you start something, you build momentum around it. Once you figure out what task you’re going to get done first it helps build flow for the others. There’s also alchemy in taking something out of your head and putting it on paper. It can kind of neutralize to some of the feelings around all the things you have to do floating in your head. And that is how the ick list works!

your new favorite (wellness) summer drink

I sat outside in really great weather the other afternoon when the urge for an ice coffee hit me. As a coffee lover, this isn’t unfamiliar, but I also know that too much caffeine can up anxiety. Does this happen to you? It’s one of the first things I take out when I feel anxiety creep in.

I’m always trying to maintain foundational wellness so I can handle shifts in my life and a big part of that is what I put in my body. This is where my new summer drink comes in. One of my favorite things is to get something pre-made and take it next level in the easiest way possible. I share these “recipes” in my online membership too.

You can use any ice tea, but this is where the half tea & half lemon spindrift comes into play for me. Now black tea has a little bit of caffeine in it, but it’s a very small amount—a whole 12oz can contains less caffeine than 2oz of coffee.

What I do though is add lemon, mint, and the one I’m drinking right now has ginger. Now, these additions not only taste good, but they’re good for you too. According to herbalist Robin Rose Bennett these are the properties in the additions:

Mint: rich in antioxidants and great for digestion

Lemon: is immune protective, cooling, and antiseptic

Ginger: (not pictured) but: anti-inflammatory and anti-spasmodic

What I do is muddle the mint right in the glass to release the oils from the leaves. Add ice, stir, then squeeze in the lemon. Stir again and there you go. Highly recommend!