a pep talk for when you’re being hard on yourself

Two Tips for Managing Perfectionism

So many of my students are perfectionists and I really relate to this because I’m hard on myself too. If you put a lot of pressure on yourself this is the right episode for you:  

I was at a dance class once and we did an improv warm-up. The teacher was like, “move like you’re sad, move like it’s sunny, move like it’s windy, move like you’re happy.” She had all these different prompts and then I made a joke that we should move like you’re thinking about something weird you did in 2007. Everyone laughed because everyone related to bringing up something in your mind that you’ve done wrong before and replaying it in your head.

My mentor Megan McDowell always tells me that sometimes I don’t want to accept my humanness. All that means is that I have limitations and that as a human I fall short at times. It’s not even really that you’re falling short it just is that you are human. I did an interview with Megan here that’s on feeling big feelings and if you’re perfection-y I am SURE you’re working through some big feelings: 

If you’re someone who ruminates on things you’ve did wrong or something that you feel bad about, remember shortcomings are part of being human. Your limitations make you human; not something to continue to beat yourself up about.

When I’m being hard on myself, I find it really helpful to just identify my own humanness. I name the mistake as my humanness and in recognizing it for what it is, it sort of dissipates. I don’t hold the same standards for myself that I was the moment before I pointed out my humanness.

An exercise I do when I’m getting in a perfection-y rumination spiral is I have a chat with the 80 year old version of myself so it’s Grandma Maggie in my head. I have a conversation with this older wiser version of myself that has lived more life than I’ve lived right now and I kind of see what she has to say about it.  Whether it’s through journaling or meditation. She NEVER tells me to beat myself up more. She mostly just tells me to let it go. It’s always really helpful to have this loving conversation with the older wiser version of myself. You could even see it as maybe talking to your higher-self.

If you’re someone who identifies as a perfectionist I am holding space for you and I get it! Sending everyone so much love!

 

Screen Time Shift that Changed my Confidence

When you’re aware of the life happening right in front of you, right in the present moment, right in your present body, you’re able to be open for what’s meant for you, for what you want,  and what you’re calling in. 

Every Sunday I get a little ding on my phone that tells me how much screen time I’ve had that week and every time I see it I’m pretty horrified… and yet I consistently do nothing about it… until a few weeks ago.

I looked at my usage and it seemed like an absurd amount to spend on a digital brick in my hand so I decided to ask myself what would be a reasonable amount of time to spend on to an app and set an app limit.  The results were amazing because it really just highlighted how addicted I am to my phone. Let me tell you, it does not feel good, at first, to have a limit. 

Whenever we’re upset I know we can turn to our phones and mindlessly scroll in order to numb out when we’re uncomfortable. We use our phones like a buffer. To be really present and really available for what was in front of me felt really uncomfortable at first until I realized a few other things: 

I was happier.

I felt like I was more present with my friends. I felt like I have the ability when I’m out to be more present, even more romantically open. I was clearer in my thinking because I wasn’t constantly head down in an app. Physically it’s also not cute to be hunched over as well. I also happened to watched The Social Dilemma documentary and it made me want to take other steps towards some digital detoxing, but let me tell you the biggest improvement came from those app timers. I learned the following things: 

  1. It freed up a lot of my time 
  2. I was forced to be more present in my real life 
  3. I realized that presence is really really attractive 

When you are aware of the life happening right in front of you right in the present moment right in your present body you’re able to be open for what’s meant for you for what you want for what you’re calling in and that’s really important. 

Someone not on their phone is more available, they’re more fun to be around, and they’re not hunched over. There’s not anything wrong with being on your phone, but I do think there’s something to be said about how much we are on our phones, how much we’re absorbing, and how much we’re taking in whether or not we noticed it. 

If you’re looking to make some life improvements I suggest setting an app timer on your phone. If you have an iPhone it’s right there in settings you can do it right this second if you want and just see what that opens up for you. I know for me, it made a huge difference and that’s why I’m sharing it here with you guys.

 

post grad pep-talk podcast playlist

Advice for Postgrads

I feel like no one ever tells you that your 20’s are going to be a different kind of hard. This is the age where I found all my mentors and wish I had them earlier. Check out this post-grad pep-talk playlist on navigating life after college!

How to Cure an Emotional Hangover

For those of us that overanalyze…

Have you ever hung out with people, had a great time, only to wake up with anxiety about what you said or did? If you’re someone that replays every stupid thing you did in your head, this episode is for you. I share my major tips for curing an emotional hangover and how to cut yourself slack for being human.

Is Mentorship Important?

Do you need a Mentor? I know, I do!

One of the things I’m really obsessed with as a mentor is I get the honor of really seeing someone. I get to see what you’re great at, where all your good stuff is (even if you can’t see it for yourself), and how you can bring more of it into your everyday life.

It takes bravery to let someone see you because it can feel so vulnerable, but having someone witness your inner self and be able to share it back with you is like embracing an old friend, but that friend is the deepest part of yourself. I’m lucky to have Peri Zarrella hold that space for me. Below, you can listen to Peri witness what my energy feels like to her, but there are many ways to reveal ourselves. Wishing everyone the courage to share their authenticity with trusted confidants as we head into a new season.

10 Ways to Stop Anxiety before it Starts

how to deal with anxiety

Have you ever felt anxiety begin to creep up and then you start to worry about  feeling anxious on top of it? I get it. I’ve been there too. This anxiety checklist is what I go to first when I feel anxiety coming on. I take a look at this list, make some tweaks, and am able to help myself feel better.

infographic on anxiety

Here’s the meditation I do when I feel anxious:

maggie’s magic: tools for guidance when you don’t know what to do

guidance for girls

“What should I do?” I hear this question all the time as a mentor. Confusion can be uncomfortable (not to mention lonely). It’s sometimes hard to make sense of life’s changes and challenges. In my pep talk today, I share my magic tricks. They’re simple ways to use tarot cards, spirit animals, and even spotify as an oracle for life guidance. When you connect to your inner-self, you’re able to trust in the unfolding of your life, recognize your path, and move forward in areas that feel stuck.