modern mentorship: getting you across campus (and beyond) one pep talk at a time
In this video I discuss why we shouldn’t beat ourselves up because we don’t look like models. Actresses and models have lots of help to look the way they do. I’ve worked on TV and at magazines so I know exactly what goes on behind the scenes and I’m spilling the secrets!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzI7zxHjcF4&feature=youtu.be
This piece originally appeared on Your Bella Life
…And not just because Brené Brown told you to!
Ever opened up to a friend about something difficult going on in your life? Been on an interview? Said, ‘I love you’ first in a relationship? Put yourself on the line for a new project or experience? If you’ve answered yes to at least one of the above then congratulations! You’ve been vulnerable! Brené Brown has been everywhere these days especially if you’ve turned on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday or are one of the eight million viewers that watched her TEDx Talk.
Brown, a Ph.D., LMSW and professor at the University of Houston Graduate School of Social Work, has built her career studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness and shame. Let me tell you, she’s the real deal. She understands that this vulnerability thing isn’t easy, but oh so worth it, even outing herself as someone who once had a hard time embracing it.
Putting yourself out there is scary! It’s uncomfortable to take emotional risk, but as someone who has made the commitment to embrace vulnerability I can attest that there are some great reasons to take the leap:
1. People like you when you’re just being yourself
When you’re authentic you encourage those around you to be more of themselves and people want to be around people who make them feel good. Plain and simple. Having confidence in who you are makes others feel relaxed. No one is striving to meet expectations or trying hard to impress anyone. An added bonus: there’s nothing more attractive or sexy than someone genuine. All anyone ever really wants from you is to be yourself.
2. You are whole no matter what you share with anyone
Putting yourself out there for an opportunity and not getting it. Saying, ‘I love you’ in a relationship and not hearing back. Reaching out to a friend and getting turned away. There are tons of reasons why vulnerability is scary, but even when you share with others you are still whole. Sometimes things don’t align and you don’t hear what you were hoping to, but it does NOT affect your overall worth. You are still whole. You still deserve love. There is nothing wrong with you, no matter how badly the rejection hurts. Everything you want is already inside of you and nothing can take that away.
3. People earn the right to hear your story
In Brené Brown’s Super Soul Sunday interview with Oprah she stated, “People earn the right to hear your story.” Between Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc. we have a million social media options to vent our feelings, but saying something behind your computer doesn’t allow you to fully be seen. You have the power to choose those you entrust with what’s going on in your life so choose carefully! Real intimacy is not shared behind a computer, so think twice before you hit send.
4. Being vulnerable helps you connect to something bigger
We associate being vulnerable with being weak and that’s really untrue. Opening your heart to others regardless of outcome takes strength. We are all striving to connect to others and when you allow yourself to be vulnerable you do exactly that. The love inside of you reaches the love inside of them even if you don’t get the desired outcome. Isn’t life so much sweeter when you share it with others anyway? You might even be happily surprised.
5. Wholehearted living exponentially helps you grow
Part of Brown’s bigger message is being a wholehearted person, or as she defines it, as someone who has a deep sense of deserving love, the courage to be imperfect and the ability to have compassion for themselves and others. Most of all they find connection as a result of being authentic meaning they aren’t scared of being themselves. When you live wholeheartedly you get so much more out of life. You are able to experience things differently always knowing that you deserve love no matter what. This helps you take leaps of faith and shapes every opportunity into one of growth and gratitude. Be thankful for all your messy experiences just as much as the beautiful ones because they make you who you are.
So let’s keep throwing this vulnerability word out there. Take the emotional risk to be yourself. Live a wholehearted life and see just what all the fuss around Brené Brown is about for yourself!
A couple weeks ago I had plans to hang out with friends. When something came up and I wasn’t able to go I flipped out because I was totally afraid that I would miss out on having lots of fun! Fomo (fear of missing out) is the anxiety you get when you feel like if you don’t go to that party or hang out with friends you’re going to miss out on something awesome. In this video I share with you the tips and tricks that help me when I’m experiencing fomo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AJhO37Sn_c&feature=youtu.be
Have you ever been really nervous about meeting a new group of people? We all have! I remember panicking as I got out of the car for my high school orientation. I didn’t know anyone and was so anxious wondering if anyone would like me. If you’re going to camp for the summer, starting a new internship or heading to an orientation you’re going to be making tons of new friends. It can be overwhelming to meet new people, but don’t stress! In this video I share my top 4 tips for making a good first impression.
Click Play to Learn How to Make a Good First Impression
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykywwYrO6-o&feature=youtu.be
This piece originally appeared on Your Bella Life
Whether you’re doing the breaking up or being broken up with the situation is never pleasant! Ending a relationship in which two people have invested time, energy, and love is difficult. There’s no guidebook to breaking up, but as someone who has handled the end of relationships in both mature and not so charming ways, I’d like to share what I’ve learned along the way.
1. Come from an extremely loving place
If you’re breaking up then there was obviously a time when you felt the butterflies and love for the person you were together with. No matter how serious the relationship or if it lasted years or months, come from a space of deep love. This means hearing the other person out and understanding that they’re hurting and uncomfortable too. I know it’s cheesy, but it’s so true, treat others like you would want to be treated. Would you like to be texted that a relationship is over? No. So don’t do that to someone else.
2. Be compassionate
Directly related to the “Golden Rule” is compassion. No matter what side of a break up you’re on, be kind. I know this can be hard especially if you’re mad and hurt, but you’re never going to regret being compassionate even if you’re taken off guard. The other person is scared and sad just like you. Being nice can be hard, I know! Keep in mind that the person is doing the very best they can in that moment.
Being compassionate also means having compassion for yourself. You don’t need to be fixed. There’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t blame the failure of the relationship on either party. Endings occur because you’ve learned the lessons you were meant to and it’s time to move on and grow through different experiences. That’s all. It doesn’t mean you’re unlovable. You totally deserve love! What you’ve learned in this relationship was what was best for your own personal growth and so is the break up.
3. Be honest, but not dramatic
Pleading, screaming, stomping, facebooking, tweeting, instagraming your feelings are actions that could potentially live forever on the internet and definitely in the mind of your ex. It’s hard to communicate feelings! Why do you think so many people avoid it? Be honest with how you’re feeling without being dramatic. Your point is always better made when you’re centered and calm.
Sometimes a break up is surprising. Sometimes it’s in public (I was once broken up with in a Starbucks). Sometimes it’s in the home you share. All these scenarios can you leave you feeling confused over what to say. Once you’ve gathered up your thoughts and have had a conversation around the break up that’s that. Calling up later with follow up questions will only leave you wanting more. You’re never going to feel like you said everything perfectly. Trust everything that was meant to be said, was said. You’re also doing your absolute best in that given moment!
4. When it’s done let it be done
Sometimes not ending up together is the happily ever after part of the relationship. It’s unfair to yourself as well as your partner to keep texting or calling after the break up. Moving on is best done when you take space to get to know yourself again. Date yourself for a while! If you’re meant to be together in the future then you will be guided together without any forcing on your part. Take the time as an opportunity for self-growth.
5. Don’t deprive yourself of the grieving process
It’s totally okay and normal to be sad! You can still have a strong sense of inner worth as you cry over an ex-boyfriend. Let yourself feel the emotions that are coming up. It’s the only way to really release them. As Robert Frost said, “The best way out is always through.” Cry. Talk to your friends. Write in a journal. Take up a new hobby. The grieving process is an important part of letting go. When you shift your mindset to see a break up as a new beginning disguised as an ending it becomes a lot easier to embrace what lies ahead instead of clinging on to the past.
All break ups are unique hitting different levels on the emotional scale. You’re never going to regret being loving and compassionate even when a relationship ends. Having an open heart makes you a better person. Spend some time going inward. Remember that those who are to meet will meet and that when you’re ready, your next relationship will flow effortlessly into your life at the right time.
It’s no secret that I LOVE to take my favorite foods and make them healthier so when I was craving banana pancakes I knew I had to make them with a spin. Pancakes with sugar and white flour can leave me feeling tired so I found a recipe that satisfied my craving while also giving me energy. I’m really into Gwyneth Paltrow’s cookbook It’s All Good so her buckwheat banana pancakes were on the top of my list to try.
I substituted wheat flour for almond flour and rice milk for almond milk because that’s what I had around.
Bananas are the best! They’re a good source of potassium, vitamin C, vitamin B-6 and fiber. Plus they’re delicious.
My lack of flipping skills made for some not so pretty pancakes…
But they were absolutely yummy!
What’s your favorite breakfast food? Leave me comments in the section below! Have a great week! xoxo
Last week I was at Paige Denim for an event where the Owner and Creative Director, Paige Adams-Geller, was in attendance. She was incredibly gracious and as we were chatting I couldn’t help but ask her what advice she would give young women!
Click Play to Hear the Advice Paige Shared:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhHvMo_sxfc
As a Modern Mentor and girl with many mentors myself, I know the importance of having a positive role model in your life. Who do you go to for advice? What’s the best piece of advice you ever received? Share with us in the comments below!
I’m in the middle of my yoga teacher training and that means packed weekends full of classes! This Sunday we were talking about the ways in which we bury our awesomeness. When we look into how we’re telling ourselves we aren’t good enough we see that all we’re doing is clouding our greatness. In this video, I share the three main ways we forget how really great we are and here is the bonus… everyone does these things so you are never alone!
Click to learn the 3 ways forget how awesome we are:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSJKbdC6dno
What’s really cool about learning the ways we forget that we’re perfect just the way we are is that we get the great gift of remembering again. We’re supposed to forget! We’re human! When we see ourselves acting in one (or more) of these ways we can say, “Hey, wait. I know what this is. I’ve just forgotten that I’m awesome the way I am and all I’m doing is clouding my greatness.” Identifying the behavior helps you to heal it. In what ways have you been burying your awesomeness? Share with me in the comments below!
Shhh. Today I’m sharing my biggest secret to staying healthy and it’s really so easy you’re going to wonder why you didn’t do it sooner. Everyone wants to look good for summer, but healthy habits are for life. This is especially important if you’re heading off to college soon (anyone want to avoid the freshmen 15?)!
Click play to learn how to stay healthy while eating all the foods you love:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uG6_AgrYkQ
Portion control isn’t about measuring out your food, restricting your intake or depriving yourself of the things you love. It’s being aware of how much you’re eating. Food is neither good nor bad. Food is fuel for your body and you NEED it! Everyday is going to be different. Somedays you’re going to need more fuel than others. Pay attention to when you’re hungry or full.
The biggest relationship you have in life is the one you have with yourself and that includes exploring your relationship to food. Get to know how much you’re eating. It’s all a lesson in self-discovery. Let go of the stress you have around food and start having fun getting to know yourself!
It’s finally starting to feel like spring where I’m from and for me that means cleaning out the old to make way for the new. As I moved from emptying my closet to cleaning out my beauty products I discovered I was having a hard time getting rid of the things I didn’t use. After struggling with what to keep and what to toss, I decided to explore why I was having such a problem!
Click play to learn what I found out about myself while I was spring cleaning.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLeTottOGjI
When we take the time to look at different aspects of our life whether it be our closets, our makeup or bigger things like the relationships in our life, we learn a lot about ourselves. I want you to take this week to clean out just one drawer and see what comes up. What are your things saying about you? Where can you embrace yourself more? What can you let go of? The discoveries are endless!