a pep talk on holiday fomo

A side effect of social media I’ve see consistently in my private practice is FOMO (fear of missing out). It always seems to amp up over holidays heavy in expectation like New Year’s Eve. It’s so easy to look at social media, see what people are up to, and compare it to what you’ve got going on. In today’s pep talk, I’m sharing what totally changed my perspective on Holiday FOMO. This is always one of my most popular pep talks because it is so universally felt!

Holiday Fomo is when you see other people celebrate any holiday and it makes you feel like you’re missing out or doing it wrong. Social media has taken it to the next level too. We check out of her own life, to check into someone else’s. and then we compare. I find that this spikes during the holidays especially like New Year’s Eve or like 4th of July which is the New Year’s Eve of the summer.

If you’re in a situation where you’re having some Holiday Fomo, here’s what I always remind myself:  

Where you are is exactly where you’re meant to be.

You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re not in the wrong place. You’re not missing out. Wherever you are is where you’re meant to be. My yoga teacher Amy during our training had a different quote posted every time we met. One quote I always still think about is by Hafiz which said:

This place where you are right now, God circled on a map for you.

Whenever I’m in a FOMO space I think about that quote. It takes away any of the pressure that I’m doing the wrong thing or that my plans are not good enough. This also opens the opportunity to think about how to make the best of whatever situation you’re in.  What are the positives? If you’re feeling holiday FOMO creep in, remember that wherever you are is exactly where you’re meant to be and then jump off social media. People never show you the full picture of what’s going on anyway. You are where you’re meant to be. 

3 Ways to Lie on Instagram

Click here for video. My relationship to social media is confusing. Just when I’m 100% sure I want to throw my phone in the Hudson River and make anyone who wants to talk to me come find me in person, I see a great dance video, a funny meme, or a cute outfit.

Most of the time, I feel really drained by it all and today I wanted to share a video about what I keep in mind when I’m online. People ONLY show you what they want you to see and that INCLUDES ME. I am a billion times more than what I share here. Highs, lows, and everything in between.

Side note, I feel like this is super important for college freshmen. It’s so easy to think that everyone is adjusting to college life better than you based on social media! It’s not true. College is a big transition. It’s normal to be multi-feeling about it! Click here for video.

Everyone is Lying on Social Media and So Am I

Here’s a super personal one:

Everyone is lying on social media and so am I.

I always remind the girls I work with that people online only show you what they want you to see and I’m included in this. There are a million things I’m not sharing here. I haven’t shared that I was robbed a few weeks ago in my own building or that I have about zero holiday spirit since my grandparents passed away. Even now, I’m purposely leaving things out of my story both good and bad. With how easily it is to mindlessly scroll through social media, it’s important to remember that what we see isn’t the whole picture.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how we share ourselves and how much time I spend online after reading statements from an interview Sean Parker, the onetime founding president of Facebook and co-founder of Napster, gave about social media:

“We need to sort of give you a little dopamine hit every once in a while, because someone liked or commented on a photo or a post or whatever. And that’s going to get you to contribute more content, and that’s going to get you … more likes and comments… It’s a social-validation feedback loop … exactly the kind of thing that a hacker like myself would come up with, because you’re exploiting a vulnerability in human psychology… God only knows what it’s doing to our children’s brains.” 

I am hypocritically posting publicly, but Parker’s comments made me think about how I don’t want to be addicted to the dopamine hits of “likes and comments” especially when the forum is inherently inauthentic. Why do I zone out of my own life to watch other people’s fake lives? I’m in my 20’s and struggle with this. Imagine the susceptibility of adolescents who are searching for identity and seeking the approval of peers during an incredibly transformative period of time. Of course, there are benefits to social media, but this is something that has shifted my online usage and that is something I want to share. 

How to Keep it Real on Instagram

So many girls have told me about having their feelings hurt on other people’s finstas (fake instagram). Here are some thoughts on finstas, sub-instagramming, and being mean online.