parenting is hard, parenting in a pandemic is harder
7 minutes to help you support your teen’s mental and emotional wellbeing
Hi! I’m Maggie! I mentor young women, helping them to make sense of life changes and challenges and move forward in areas that feel stuck! Entering adulthood is notoriously challenging, but it’s trickier today more than ever. I wanted to share my 5 Mentor Tips to Support Your Teens’ Emotional Wellbeing During a Covid-19 School Year, especially when school and life are all online right now.
Raising kids doesn’t come with a manual and you’re doing a great job. These tips are not meant to be done perfectly and 100% of the time. Keep them in the back of your head, use them where you can, and hopefully they’re useful when you need to come back to center as a family.
Lots of time online does nothing for our teens’ mental wellness, but it can feel nearly impossible to get them off their screens.
I find it easier to digitally detox when I put away my phone and replace it with something else, like an activity.
For example, a few years ago I had trouble falling asleep and noticed that my 3pm latte might be the reason why… however I was really awful at giving it up until I replaced it with something else I liked. I share this story because it’s the exact same thing with tech.
Can you take a walk and not bring your phone? Can you cook a recipe and not use your phone? Can you watch a movie and not check your phone? Now, we’re all addicted so you might have the impulse to be connected, but creating an activity around not having screen time makes it easier.
Even if your kids don’t do what you ask or seem like they’re paying attention, they’re still taking you in as a role model. If there are some healthy habits that you want your girls to start to build, you have to build it for yourself first. Teen years include developing a radar for hypocrisy, so as parents it’s important to remember that it’s ‘do as I do’ and not ‘do as I say’.
This is always something I hear about after any talk I give that secretly resonated with people. It sucks to be disliked. Sometimes when we make changes in a family, there can be pushed back. As a mom or dad you’re going to make decisions for your kids that they don’t like. Kids practice feelings on parents. I know it’s hard, but it’s okay to have your kids get mad at you. And it’s okay to create a boundary for them. I would say that if you have your kid annoyed at you every once in awhile then you’re on the right track.
Validating your daughter’s feelings is accepting her emotions even if they’re different from yours and even if you don’t agree. It’s not condoning it, but simply seeing it as the child’s emotional experience. It can be really easy for us to invalidate people without even knowing it. Some examples would be saying:
- get over it
- you’re lucky it’s not worse
- stop being dramatic.
(By the way, I know these things are so hard not to say when we’re frustrated!)
When we validate feelings, we give girls the space and acceptance for feelings, no matter what those feelings are, so that they can move through them and not push them down. If we don’t feel our feelings they end up popping up in a place that we don’t expect.
Some examples of validating statements include:
- This must be really hard
- I see you
- I hear you
- It’s normal to feel this way
In adolescence, kids pull away from their family and look towards other people for a sense of identity. This is normal and necessary. You want to make sure they’re surrounding themselves with people (where you can) who have your values. Mentorship is so important because it’s an outside resource from your family, but also someone who is invested in the well-being of your daughter.
I call this the Father of the Bride Effect. In the movie, Annie, the daughter, is getting married and her dad tells her, “Oh it’s cold you’ll need a sweater,” and she’s like, “No, no, no. I’m good.” But then when her fiancé says, “Yeah, it is actually cold,” she replies, “Okay I’ll get a coat.” That’s the kind of support mentorship provides. It’s instilling and reinforcing positive values, but from outside support.
We have all been through so much this year and I truly believe we are all doing our best. I am here for any extra support you need and below I included some more resources you might like.
more mentoring, please!
This meditation has been my saving grace throughout this uncertain time. It’s less than 10 minutes to relax and process feelings so that you can move through and move on from discomfort.
printable sheet
