a pep talk to normalize the outgrowing of things

a lesser known side effect of winter break

A lesser known side effect of the holidays is that it can really bring up stuff you’ve outgrown. It’s something I’ve seen with my students for years. Whether it’s coming home from school or the extra downtime winter break brings, the space between what was and what is and what’s next can become more apparent. It’s very healing to normalize outgrowing friendships, things you used to like, and even old versions of yourself.

First, I want  to acknowledge the period of time between what was and what’s next. It’s sort of this gray in between that can feel uncomfortable, but it’s where all transformation happens. This is such a fantastic place to do so some mentoring because mentors see where you’re at and help you get to where you want to be, even if you have no idea what that is yet. If you feel like you’re outgrowing something then you’re definitely going through a transition whether you recognize it or not.

I also want to specifically talk about outgrowing friendships. I know this can be particularly painful. Sometimes it comes with shame around not having friends from different stages of life or I hear girls feeling guilty around not being as close with people as they used to be. It is way too high of an expectation to have on yourself and on others that as you grow and change they grow and change in the same way as you.  

I definitely even still sometimes mourn friendships that are no longer whether it’s friendships I’ve outgrown or friendships that have outgrown me. I understand it’s hard at times, but I always feel in the end it’s for the highest good. I’d rather find people or situations that really meet me where I’m at rather than compromise my authenticity or my integrity to fit in with something that no longer fits.  

This is all so normal. I know I keep saying it but sometimes we think something is wrong with us or that we’re in a funk, when really it’s just being in an in-between space. If mentoring sounds like it’s something you want in your life, I’m totally here for you. I know any kind of change can cause stress and anxiety, but the right kind of support shifts everything. I feel like my gift is I’m really able to intuitively hear what people mean and guide them towards their own path.

Wishing you comfort in liminal space!