“I’m not good enough.” “I’m not smart enough.” “I can’t do that.” Have you ever said any of those to yourself? The stories we tell ourselves (about ourselves) are incredibly important and believe it or not for many people, a life long story you create about yourself can start during high school. In today’s pep talk, I share some common high school stories that pop up during the college process, how they affect your present, and how to change your story if you don’t love the one you’re telling yourself.
I’ve seen a confidence theme come up recently with my students and it always starts out with the same two words:
I can’t apply to that college.
I can’t be friends with them.
I can’t apply to that job.
I can’t try out for that group.
Does any of this sound familiar? Telling ourselves we can’t do something can feel protective then we don’t need to put ourselves out there. No need to take a chance or set yourself up for possible rejection. As a reframe to this issue, I always ask myself:
Do I have a confidence issue or a competence issue?
99.9999% of the time what’s being described as a competence issue (I’m not good enough. I can’t do it) is really just a confidence issue. I’ll be with a totally capable, wonderful, student and they tell me that they can’t do something, but in reality they’re totally capable of doing the exact thing that they tell me they can’t do. It’s not about becoming more competent; it’s about building up confidence.
An example I see a lot is the confidence to apply to colleges and jobs. I’ll be with someone who is smart and amazing inside out, and they tell me all about the college/jobs they’re not going to apply to. Yet, what I see is someone with all the qualifications needed for whatever they’re telling me they can’t do. It doesn’t guarantee that we get into every college or get every job interview. Confidence is about resilience, trust in ourselves, and the ability to be in the unknown. I also have faith that every outcome is for the highest good.
If you’ve been telling yourself you “can’t” a lot lately take a deep breath, ask yourself: are you have a confidence issue or a competence issue? If it’s a confidence issues, I encourage you with that clarity to make a move!
Many of my students are seniors in high school waiting to hear back from their early decision schools this month. When we chatted during the week, they told me how uncomfortable it was to talk to relatives at holiday parties about where they’ve applied and if they’ve been accepted or rejected. We all have sensitive subjects that we don’t want to talk about especially in a public setting. Today, I’m sharing my advice for when someone brings up a touchy topic!
Tis the season… for college decisions. It was not long ago that I was logging onto my various accounts to see if I got into colleges. Let me tell you it was not fun when I didn’t get in. I know how painful it is not to get into a school you want to be in, but I can with absolute certainty tell you that it’s for the best. Check out the video to see my steps for handling college rejections.