one way high school affects the rest of your life

what’s the story you’re telling yourself?

“I’m not good enough.” “I’m not smart enough.” “I can’t do that.” Have you ever said any of those to yourself? The stories we tell ourselves (about ourselves) are incredibly important and believe it or not for many people, a life long story you create about yourself can start during high school. In today’s pep talk, I share some common high school stories that pop up during the college process, how they affect your present, and how to change your story if you don’t love the one you’re telling yourself.

more mentoring: 

confidence versus competence

mentor links:

1:1 sessions

confidence vs competence

pep talk on feeling good enough

I’ve seen a confidence theme come up recently with my students and it always starts out with the same two words: 

I can’t.

I can’t apply to that college.

I can’t be friends with them.

I can’t apply to that job. 

I can’t try out for that group. 

Does any of this sound familiar? Telling ourselves we can’t do something can feel protective then we don’t need to put ourselves out there. No need to take a chance or set yourself up for possible rejection. As a reframe to this issue, I always ask myself: 

Do I have a confidence issue or a competence issue?

99.9999% of the time what’s being described as a competence issue (I’m not good enough. I can’t do it) is really just a confidence issue. I’ll be with a totally capable, wonderful, student and they tell me that they can’t do something, but in reality they’re totally capable of doing the exact thing that they tell me they can’t do. It’s not about becoming more competent; it’s about building up confidence. 

An example I see a lot is the confidence to apply to colleges and  jobs. I’ll  be with someone who is smart and amazing inside out, and they tell me all about the college/jobs they’re not going to apply to. Yet, what I see is someone with all the qualifications needed for whatever they’re telling me they can’t do. It doesn’t guarantee that we get into every college or get every job interview. Confidence is about resilience, trust in ourselves, and the ability to be in the unknown. I also have faith that every outcome is for the highest good. 

If you’ve been telling yourself you “can’t” a lot lately take a deep breath, ask yourself: are you have a confidence issue or a competence issue? If it’s a confidence issues, I encourage you with that clarity to make a move!


Screen Time Shift that Changed my Confidence

When you’re aware of the life happening right in front of you, right in the present moment, right in your present body, you’re able to be open for what’s meant for you, for what you want,  and what you’re calling in. 

Every Sunday I get a little ding on my phone that tells me how much screen time I’ve had that week and every time I see it I’m pretty horrified… and yet I consistently do nothing about it… until a few weeks ago.

I looked at my usage and it seemed like an absurd amount to spend on a digital brick in my hand so I decided to ask myself what would be a reasonable amount of time to spend on to an app and set an app limit.  The results were amazing because it really just highlighted how addicted I am to my phone. Let me tell you, it does not feel good, at first, to have a limit. 

Whenever we’re upset I know we can turn to our phones and mindlessly scroll in order to numb out when we’re uncomfortable. We use our phones like a buffer. To be really present and really available for what was in front of me felt really uncomfortable at first until I realized a few other things: 

I was happier.

I felt like I was more present with my friends. I felt like I have the ability when I’m out to be more present, even more romantically open. I was clearer in my thinking because I wasn’t constantly head down in an app. Physically it’s also not cute to be hunched over as well. I also happened to watched The Social Dilemma documentary and it made me want to take other steps towards some digital detoxing, but let me tell you the biggest improvement came from those app timers. I learned the following things: 

  1. It freed up a lot of my time 
  2. I was forced to be more present in my real life 
  3. I realized that presence is really really attractive 

When you are aware of the life happening right in front of you right in the present moment right in your present body you’re able to be open for what’s meant for you for what you want for what you’re calling in and that’s really important. 

Someone not on their phone is more available, they’re more fun to be around, and they’re not hunched over. There’s not anything wrong with being on your phone, but I do think there’s something to be said about how much we are on our phones, how much we’re absorbing, and how much we’re taking in whether or not we noticed it. 

If you’re looking to make some life improvements I suggest setting an app timer on your phone. If you have an iPhone it’s right there in settings you can do it right this second if you want and just see what that opens up for you. I know for me, it made a huge difference and that’s why I’m sharing it here with you guys.