modern mentorship: getting you across campus (and beyond) one pep talk at a time
Last week I felt so blue and if you’re from the Northeast, then you know that the winter’s can be tough on our mood. I wanted to share the two big things you can do help shift yourself out of feeling down and how to get the **right** support.
Ever notice how past events can get pulled into the present? Sometimes it’s from undealt with feelings. In this episode, I share what the difference between “little t” trauma and “big T” trauma is, how the past shows up in the present, and where unfelt feelings pop up!
“Everyone has friends already.” “I don’t have anyone to hang with.” There’s an expectation that you get to campus and immediately click, connect, and have a group of friends. For most people that doesn’t happen! In this pep talk, we chat the real timeline of college friendships, stress around picking sophomore year roommates, and why your whole time at college is a great time to meet people (not just freshmen year).
mentor links:
“This isn’t what I thought it would be. I’m not sure I like college.” These are common freshman thoughts! We hear over and over again that college is the. best. time. ever. but for most, it doesn’t feel that way right off the bat. Belonging takes time! In this pep talk, we cover the expectations we have surrounding college, what the real reality of being at school is, and how to stay optimistic if you’re not loving it yet. Spoiler alert: you’re not alone!
Any of this resonate and you want extra support? I got you: 1:1 mentoring, parent coaching, and our online membership for college freshmen .
We know what it takes to create physical wellness for ourselves, but what about the mental? If you’re someone who runs anxious, stressed, or can find themselves blue, having a solid wellness foundation can be really helpful. In this pep talk, I share two things to do to create a foundation of mental wellness that can help you navigate the ups and downs of life.
A side effect of the pandemic I didn’t expect was how hard it is to not have designated transition times. We used to have built in commutes, walks to class, in-person after school activities and meetings. It takes extra work now to signify the end of one thing and the start of another making a lot of life a blur right now.
During the Q&A portion of a talk I gave recently, a student asked: “How can I take a break?” The question struck me as incredibly important now that our lives are so digital. It reminded me of the tattoo story because what we connect to on our “off time” has become vital now that the pull of our devices is stronger than ever.
In full transparency, I haven’t researched how long a break should be or what the best activity is. I feel that’s super personal to who you are and what your body needs at any given time, but my mentor tip is a little different anyway. It’s to ask yourself this one question:
What or with whom am I sharing my energy with?
This question is really important to me because of an experience I had during my Master’s program. I took an art therapy workshop where we were randomly paired and taught a breathing exercise that included staring into our partner’s eyes for 20 minutes (so awkward!) then while my partner continued the breathing, I went to the art station and painted whatever I wanted. After I was done, we switched and my partner had to make an exact replica of my artwork.
When we finished, my partner told me I painted his tattoo which was wild because I’d never seen it before. It was covered by his t-shirt. This experience blew my mind and made me realize how connected we all are.
So what does this have to do with taking a break?
You may have heard the saying: “You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with” which is attributed to motivational speaker Jim Rohns. I don’t know how valid that statement is as I’ve not done experiments on it, but I do believe who you share your energy with is vitally important to your overall happiness. It means to become aware of who you are sharing your energy with during the times in your day you take a break. If your class ends and you just pick up your phone and scroll social, who is it that you’re sharing your energy with?
Some reflection questions:
Are these people/things you want to share your precious energy with? Do you want to be picking up on their energy? To use this in real life, when you’re about to take a break ask yourself:
Who or what do I want to share my energy with?
When I ask myself this question it helps me to positively filter my break. I always want to spend my energy or share it with something that’s recharging so maybe being in nature or moving my body.
I make sure if I’m doing a workout it’s with an instructor I want to be sharing my energy with.
If I’m on social or listening to a podcast, I follow things that are inspiring and additive.
If I’m talking to a friend I want to talk to someone who I’m okay with picking up their energy because there’s a transference.
Who’s energy do you want to be a part of? What do you want to pick up on? Make sure it’s positive energy and it feels good to you. This will make your break feel additive.
A few more basic mentor tips for living, schooling, and working in the digital realm:
The important step here is to remember to ask yourself the question: who/what do I want to share my energy with? Wishing you a great week ahead!
So many of my students are perfectionists and I really relate to this because I’m hard on myself too. If you put a lot of pressure on yourself this is the right episode for you:
I was at a dance class once and we did an improv warm-up. The teacher was like, “move like you’re sad, move like it’s sunny, move like it’s windy, move like you’re happy.” She had all these different prompts and then I made a joke that we should move like you’re thinking about something weird you did in 2007. Everyone laughed because everyone related to bringing up something in your mind that you’ve done wrong before and replaying it in your head.
My mentor Megan McDowell always tells me that sometimes I don’t want to accept my humanness. All that means is that I have limitations and that as a human I fall short at times. It’s not even really that you’re falling short it just is that you are human. I did an interview with Megan here that’s on feeling big feelings and if you’re perfection-y I am SURE you’re working through some big feelings:
If you’re someone who ruminates on things you’ve did wrong or something that you feel bad about, remember shortcomings are part of being human. Your limitations make you human; not something to continue to beat yourself up about.
When I’m being hard on myself, I find it really helpful to just identify my own humanness. I name the mistake as my humanness and in recognizing it for what it is, it sort of dissipates. I don’t hold the same standards for myself that I was the moment before I pointed out my humanness.
An exercise I do when I’m getting in a perfection-y rumination spiral is I have a chat with the 80 year old version of myself so it’s Grandma Maggie in my head. I have a conversation with this older wiser version of myself that has lived more life than I’ve lived right now and I kind of see what she has to say about it. Whether it’s through journaling or meditation. She NEVER tells me to beat myself up more. She mostly just tells me to let it go. It’s always really helpful to have this loving conversation with the older wiser version of myself. You could even see it as maybe talking to your higher-self.
If you’re someone who identifies as a perfectionist I am holding space for you and I get it! Sending everyone so much love!
check out this pep-talk podcast playlist to help you
Have you ever hung out with people, had a great time, only to wake up with anxiety about what you said or did? If you’re someone that replays every stupid thing you did in your head, this episode is for you. I share my major tips for curing an emotional hangover and how to cut yourself slack for being human.
Have you ever felt anxiety begin to creep up and then you start to worry about feeling anxious on top of it? I get it. I’ve been there too. This anxiety checklist is what I go to first when I feel anxiety coming on. I take a look at this list, make some tweaks, and am able to help myself feel better.
Here’s the meditation I do when I feel anxious: