second myth of the college experience: you’ll meet all you friends freshmen year

“Everyone has friends already.” “I don’t have anyone to hang with.” There’s an expectation that you get to campus and immediately click, connect, and have a group of friends. For most people that doesn’t happen!  In this pep talk, we chat the real timeline of college friendships, stress around picking sophomore year roommates, and why your whole time at college is a great time to meet people (not just freshmen year).

mentor links: 

www.maggiedipasquale.com

1:1 mentoring

parent coaching

online membership for college freshmen

the first myth of the college experience: “college is the best time ever”

when your expectations of college don’t meet the reality

“This isn’t what I thought it would be. I’m not sure I like college.” These are common freshman thoughts! We hear over and over again that college is the. best. time. ever. but for most, it doesn’t feel that way right off the bat. Belonging takes time! In this pep talk, we cover the expectations we have surrounding college, what the real reality of being at school is, and how to stay optimistic if you’re not loving it yet. Spoiler alert: you’re not alone! 

Any of this resonate and you want extra support? I got you: 1:1 mentoring, parent coaching, and our online membership for college freshmen . 

 

2 ways to create foundational mental wellness

We know what it takes to create physical wellness for ourselves, but what about the mental? If you’re someone who runs anxious, stressed, or can find themselves blue, having a solid wellness foundation can be really helpful. In this pep talk, I share two things to do to create a foundation of mental wellness that can help you navigate the ups and downs of life.

a mentor tip for procrastination

Do you procrastinate? If you feel stressed around all you have to do or are someone who tends to put things off, I’ve got a mentor tip for you. It’s to create what I call an “ick list,” and it’s exactly what it sounds like.

listen to the pep talk here: 

I created this technique when I had a lot of adulting to do that I kept putting off. The ick list is for the tasks that aren’t fun, pile up, and stress you out over time. I see this kind of stress show up for college students or anyone going back to school. You kind of just want to veg and enjoy the rest of your summer, but you also have a lot to do to get ready for the new school year. 

Mentor Insight:

Whenever there’s a transition involved, I always feel like it takes a little more energy to do your regular stuff. I believe this for two reasons: one because you burn extra energy in transition. For example, if you’re a freshman going into college you may feel like you’re using a lot of energy in the anticipation of what’s next. There is a lot of mental energy that goes into anything that involves planning or change.

Secondly, I think that sometimes procrastination can be a nervous system defense mechanism. It can be related to fear and it’s a pattern that we can shift.

This is where the “ick list” comes in. I get out of piece of paper and I write out, not type out, all the things I have to do that are bringing me stress and anything I’ve been procrastinating on. I basically write down all the tasks that are making me feel icky. After I’ve written everything out, I take a look at the list and I pick out the three things that are bringing me the most stress. When that’s complete you pick one of the three things and just get it done.

There’s a little bit of mentor self-discovery here too. For myself, I learned that what causes me stress is how long something has been on my list not how big the task is. The longer I put it off, the more stress it brings me.

Also, when you start something, you build momentum around it. Once you figure out what task you’re going to get done first it helps build flow for the others.  There’s also alchemy in taking something out of your head and putting it on paper.  It can kind of neutralize to some of the feelings around all the things you have to do floating in your head.  And that is how the ick list works! 

how “should” stress ruins relaxing (and what to do about it)

Ever try to relax and then tell yourself all the things you should be doing instead? I should be studying. I should be doing my laundry. I should be out with friends. This definitely ruins relaxing and I’ve seen it spike during the pandemic when we don’t have clear boundaries between all of our activities. Today’s pep talk, I share a quick tip for get out of the “shoulds” when it comes to downtime.

more mentoring: 

stack stress support

productivity pep talk

blursday remedy

ritualizing your routine 

stack stress support

Stack stress is a term I’ve made up to describe what happens when you have a lot going on at once, put caring yourself allll the way at the bottom of your list, then one tiiiiny thing tips everything over. Sound familiar? I bet it does for many! If you’ve ever cried over feeling overwhelmed this is the episode for you. In today’s pep talk, I share 3 things you can do when you feel the pressure of stack stress.

mentioned links: 

an easy exercise for shifting stress

all the stress

favorite pep talks

ICYMI: my current favs

It’s Spring here in the Northeast and if you’re getting outside more and wanted to something to listen to I’m sharing my current fav pep talks!


 

 

 

 

if you want to be yourself with friends:

if you want to understand yourself more:

if you want to relax:

**bonus** I know I said 3, but hey, this is my space and I want to include a pep talk on dating!

if you’re wondering if they like you:

a pep talk for when you’re waiting on college decisions

Are you waiting to hear back from a college? Hoping to get off a waitlist? Is the unknown stressing you out? College decisions can come with a lot of feelings! Check out this bonus episode for a pep talk on a college acceptance anxiety!

how to take an effective break the mentor way

making breaks more mindful

A side effect of the pandemic I didn’t expect was how hard it is to not have designated transition times. We used to have built in commutes, walks to class, in-person after school activities and meetings. It takes extra work now to signify the end of one thing and the start of another making a lot of life a blur right now. 

During the Q&A portion of a talk I gave recently, a student asked: “How can I take a break?” The question struck me as incredibly important now that our lives are so digital. It reminded me of the tattoo story because what we connect to on our “off time” has become vital now that the pull of our devices is stronger than ever.

In full transparency, I haven’t researched how long a break should be or what the best activity is. I feel that’s super personal to who you are and what your body needs at any given time, but my mentor tip is a little different anyway. It’s to ask yourself this one question: 

What or with whom am I sharing my energy with? 

This question is really important to me because of an experience I had during my Master’s program. I took an art therapy workshop where we were randomly paired and taught a breathing exercise that included staring into our partner’s eyes for 20 minutes (so awkward!) then while my partner continued the breathing, I went to the art station and painted whatever I wanted. After I was done, we switched and my partner had to make an exact replica of my artwork.

When we finished, my partner told me I painted his tattoo which was wild because I’d never seen it before. It was covered by his t-shirt. This experience blew my mind and made me realize how connected we all are.

So what does this have to do with taking a break? 

You may have heard the saying: “You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with” which is attributed to motivational speaker Jim Rohns. I don’t know how valid that statement is as I’ve not done experiments on it, but I do believe who you share your energy with is vitally important to your overall happiness. It means to become aware of who you are sharing your energy with during the times in your day you take a break. If your class ends and you just pick up your phone and scroll social, who is it that you’re sharing your energy with? 

Some reflection questions: 

  • Who are the five people you spend the most time with? 
  • Who are the five people you chat with the most? 
  • Who are the five people you watch or follow the most on social?
  • What are the five podcasts you listen to the most?
  • What are the five activities you do the most?

Are these people/things you want to share your precious energy with? Do you want to be picking up on their energy? To use this in real life, when you’re about to take a break ask yourself: 

Who or what do I want to share my energy with?

When I ask myself this question it helps me to positively filter my break. I always want to spend my energy or share it with something that’s recharging so maybe being in nature or moving my body. 

I make sure if I’m doing a workout it’s with an instructor I want to be sharing my energy with. 

If I’m on social or listening to a podcast, I follow things that are inspiring and additive.

If I’m talking to a friend I want to talk to someone who I’m okay with picking up their energy because there’s a transference. 

Who’s energy do you want to be a part of? What do you want to pick up on? Make sure it’s positive energy and it feels good to you. This will make your break feel additive. 

A few more basic mentor tips for living, schooling, and working in the digital realm: 

  • Take a break outside of the room that you were doing all of your stuff in. Whether you walk into a different room or get outside, changing scenery for even a brief amount of time, can be helpful.
  • Make sure your breaks aren’t always focused around snacks or eating. You want to make sure you’re eating because you’re hungry and not only because you need a break.
  • My suggestion for a mindful break would be to use an inner practice and make a break a ritual for yourself. Maybe you meditate as a break or you journal right at the end of your school work day in order to ritualize your move into your personal life. 

The important step here is to remember to ask yourself the question: who/what do I want to share my energy with? Wishing you a great week ahead! 


 

a pep talk for when you’re being hard on yourself

Two Tips for Managing Perfectionism

So many of my students are perfectionists and I really relate to this because I’m hard on myself too. If you put a lot of pressure on yourself this is the right episode for you:  

I was at a dance class once and we did an improv warm-up. The teacher was like, “move like you’re sad, move like it’s sunny, move like it’s windy, move like you’re happy.” She had all these different prompts and then I made a joke that we should move like you’re thinking about something weird you did in 2007. Everyone laughed because everyone related to bringing up something in your mind that you’ve done wrong before and replaying it in your head.

My mentor Megan McDowell always tells me that sometimes I don’t want to accept my humanness. All that means is that I have limitations and that as a human I fall short at times. It’s not even really that you’re falling short it just is that you are human. I did an interview with Megan here that’s on feeling big feelings and if you’re perfection-y I am SURE you’re working through some big feelings: 

If you’re someone who ruminates on things you’ve did wrong or something that you feel bad about, remember shortcomings are part of being human. Your limitations make you human; not something to continue to beat yourself up about.

When I’m being hard on myself, I find it really helpful to just identify my own humanness. I name the mistake as my humanness and in recognizing it for what it is, it sort of dissipates. I don’t hold the same standards for myself that I was the moment before I pointed out my humanness.

An exercise I do when I’m getting in a perfection-y rumination spiral is I have a chat with the 80 year old version of myself so it’s Grandma Maggie in my head. I have a conversation with this older wiser version of myself that has lived more life than I’ve lived right now and I kind of see what she has to say about it.  Whether it’s through journaling or meditation. She NEVER tells me to beat myself up more. She mostly just tells me to let it go. It’s always really helpful to have this loving conversation with the older wiser version of myself. You could even see it as maybe talking to your higher-self.

If you’re someone who identifies as a perfectionist I am holding space for you and I get it! Sending everyone so much love!