Click here for video. My relationship to social media is confusing. Just when I’m 100% sure I want to throw my phone in the Hudson River and make anyone who wants to talk to me come find me in person, I see a great dance video, a funny meme, or a cute outfit.
Most of the time, I feel really drained by it all and today I wanted to share a video about what I keep in mind when I’m online. People ONLY show you what they want you to see and that INCLUDES ME. I am a billion times more than what I share here. Highs, lows, and everything in between.
Side note, I feel like this is super important for college freshmen. It’s so easy to think that everyone is adjusting to college life better than you based on social media! It’s not true. College is a big transition. It’s normal to be multi-feeling about it! Click here for video.
**The Accidental Website Update** Last Friday while I listened to the new @beyonce and ate ice cream, I decided to update my site and inadvertently erased all the formatting. I freaked out, then realized I’ve had this site since 2013. I have grown and changed, maybe my website should too. So welcome to our new site. Things are still getting figured out (same with me as a human), but just like I am happy with how I am turning out, I feel the same way about the site
I always remind the girls I work with that people online only show you what they want you to see and I’m included in this. There are a million things I’m not sharing here. I haven’t shared that I was robbed a few weeks ago in my own building or that I have about zero holiday spirit since my grandparents passed away. Even now, I’m purposely leaving things out of my story both good and bad. With how easily it is to mindlessly scroll through social media, it’s important to remember that what we see isn’t the whole picture.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how we share ourselves and how much time I spend online after reading statements from an interview Sean Parker, the onetime founding president of Facebook and co-founder of Napster, gave about social media:
“We need to sort of give you a little dopamine hit every once in a while, because someone liked or commented on a photo or a post or whatever. And that’s going to get you to contribute more content, and that’s going to get you … more likes and comments… It’s a social-validation feedback loop … exactly the kind of thing that a hacker like myself would come up with, because you’re exploiting a vulnerability in human psychology… God only knows what it’s doing to our children’s brains.”
I am hypocritically posting publicly, but Parker’s comments made me think about how I don’t want to be addicted to the dopamine hits of “likes and comments” especially when the forum is inherently inauthentic. Why do I zone out of my own life to watch other people’s fake lives? I’m in my 20’s and struggle with this. Imagine the susceptibility of adolescents who are searching for identity and seeking the approval of peers during an incredibly transformative period of time. Of course, there are benefits to social media, but this is something that has shifted my online usage and that is something I want to share.
It’s easy to feel upset when you see all your friends hanging out on social media and either you weren’t invited or couldn’t make it. Today I talk about what I do when I see on social media that I’m left out!
This is a HARD question. It’s easy to get mad at our parents when they won’t let you do what you’d like (for me, we always fought over concerts)! Check out my video for insights when your mom won’t let you have Instagram.
As we head into 2016, I wanted to share my most popular videos over the year. It’s like a big #MeToo or knowing that you’re not the only one going through what you’re going through. Check out what topics were important to girls in 2015!
How to Get a Better Night’s Sleep
A couple of weekends ago, I worked on an exciting project with my students (which I cannot wait to share with you soon). During it, I asked each girl what her favorite topic that we’ve covered during our Mentoring Sessions was. EVERY girl said the advice they got about sleeping better was really helpful, so I decided to share it here on the blog today!
Everything You Need to Know Before Going to Prom
The whole prom process was stressful for me. Between asking someone to the dance (I went to an all girls high school), finding a dress that I actually felt good in, and praying that I was invited to an after-party, I didn’t really have that much fun because of all the pressure I put on myself. This is all the best Modern Mentor advice for a having authentic fun at prom!
How to Get a Boyfriend
When my student asked me to help her get a boyfriend I knew exactly what I wanted to tell her. As a professional big sister I get relationship questions all the time. In a world of Snapchat, texts, and dating apps, finding someone that’s a good fit can be confusing. If you’ve ever wondered what you need to do to get a boyfriend this blog is for you!
How to Handle Other People’s Bad Attitudes
It stinks when you’re excited about something and the people around you aren’t. Maybe you really like soccer practice but everyone else complains about the coach. Maybe you’re really excited about a class, but everyone is down on it. You can’t change other people, but you can help to make the situation better. Click the video to hear what to do when the people around you have a bad attitude.
How to Create Happy Body Habits
Sometimes it’s hard to like the way you look. When we think or do negative things to our bodies, it can become a habit without us even knowing it. In today’s video, I’m giving step by step advice for creating happy body habits. You were given your body so that you could share your gifts, not get upset when it doesn’t look the way you want. Check out this video to learn how to make liking yourself a habit!
How to Actually Talk to Your Parents
Going to your parents for advice can sometimes be hard, but I know from experience that if you open up to them they can actually be a big help. Plus, they really want to hear from you! Today, I’m sharing helpful tips for talking to your parents or anyone you’re thinking of going to for advice.
What to do when your Best Friend Moves
My best friend moved from NYC to Los Angeles at the end of June. This became a total #MeToo Moment when in a Mentoring Session one of my students told me her best friend was moving too. While it can be sad you won’t see your BFF as often, there are a lot of things to look forward to when a friend moves.
What to do when Mom stops you from doing something fun!
So the title of this one is pretty self-explanatory, but it’s one of the main questions I get. Sometimes our parents can feel like a roadblock to our fun, but what if there was another way to look at it? Check it out!!
What to do when you feel like you don’t have a Best Friend (and Everyone else does)
Today’s topic is super important before heading back to school. My students and I have been chatting and one of the biggest worries is friendship. Sometimes we haven’t seen our school friends in awhile and wonder if we’re going to get back into the flow of things. Still the fear I hear about the most is not having a best friend when everyone else does. In today’s video, I’m giving advice about comparing our friendships to others and what to remember on your first day of school!
What Happens When you Put Away your Phone
A couple weeks ago, my student, Caroline, and I did a phone challenge. I read an article about someone who never looked at his phone when he was around other people so I wanted to try it. Let me tell you… it. was. hard. Check out today’s video where we chat about how it went and what we learned!
Over the summer, I followed a fitness blogger on Instagram and I constantly compared myself to her. Every time I looked at her posts, I felt like I wasn’t enough. It was nothing she was doing. She has no idea who I am. It was the internal dialogue I had with myself when I looked at her content. I decided to unfollow her in order to choose inspiration that builds me up.
I don’t know one girl who isn’t constantly comparing herself to people online. In a world where there’s a lot of information, FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), and social media drain, we need to be mindful of what we’re looking at online. The relationship we build with ourselves starts with the inner dialogue we’re having. This means intentionally following people that make us feel good and not bad. Today I’m sharing my top 5 Instagram accounts that bring me positivity and make me smile!
My friend Trella runs a yoga nonprofit called Yogi’s Heart, which brings yoga scholarships to individuals 15-25 years old who want to practice regularly. Her Instagram feed is as beautiful as she is inside and out!
This Halloween so many girls reached out to me panicking. There was stress over what costumes to wear, which group of friends to dress up with, which group of friends to go trick-or-treating with and the disappointment when things didn’t work out the way they wanted. November 1st, I heard all about the FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) from all the pictures they’ve been seeing online of everyone else’s Halloween.
All the stress over the holiday definitely took away from the fun. We forget that people are only showing us what they want us to see, not the whole story. Also, this is an amazing #MeToo moment. So many girls reached out to me and need to hear that they’re not alone.
In today’s blog, I’m sharing a week in life of a Modern Mentor and in order to give you a more whole version of the story, I’ve also included insight on what’s not shown. I hope you enjoy!
I spent all day getting ready for Friday’s #HangIn. I packed up everything the night before (something I recommend to my students too)! These are all the water bottles that I wrapped in my stickers while watching Scandal.
Not pictured: Putting stickers on water bottles took a long time! Also, this picture can’t show you how nervous/excited I was for the event. I get afraid I’m going to forget something and I always get butterflies before a new group.
The HangIn! I had the best time on Friday. The first part of the class was yoga to center my students then we went into a super fun talk about social media/texting/everything before finishing up with a really awesome Q&A. All the girls took a polaroid before class that they were able to take home after. Props included for the pics!
While the girls were in the yoga class, I hung up all the pictures. I even wrote little messages on the clothes pins too!
The girls were amazing during our chat!
My friend Cat (on the right) taught the yoga class!
Not pictured: The torrential rain that happened RIGHT before the HangIn started. It stressed me out, soaked the bottom of my jeans, and made me feel rushed when I finally did get to the studio. Also I was super nervous. I always want to make sure everyone finds the space and has a great time! It’s sometimes hard being a mentor and putting yourself out there!
Saturday night I met up with college friends who were in town. It was super fun to catch up. I miss them.
Not pictured: All the work I did before hanging out with my friends. I had groups, privates, and emails to get back on. By the time we got back from dinner, I wanted to fall asleep! #GroupNap
My sister, cousin, and I went for a hike near the George Washington Bridge. The views were amazing and it was perfect day for a hike.
Not pictured: We originally went to a trail that was closed because of bears! Eek! Also we had lots and lots of girl talk.
I got sent a picture of my Modern Mentor card hung up in a dorm room. It made me so happy to know that my work is growing and making an impact on girls.
Not pictured: All the hard work it took (and still takes) to be a resource for girls!
On Tuesdays I have dance. We had rehearsal at a different studio this particular class and we were so squished.
Not pictured: All the rushing I did to make it to rehearsal on time.
Nothing. I didn’t take any pictures. I was mentoring and packing for my trip to Dallas the next day.
I got to Dallas and became very familiar with the Sprinkles Cupcake ATM.
Not pictured: How excited my best friend and I were to see Taylor Swift. We must have listened to the 1989 album a million times. Also not pictured, how I cried through the airport when I left Dallas. Best friends are the best!
Today I’m sharing a video that I filmed at my Party Series lecture. At my Prep Programs a huge majority of our Q&A was spent on posting, texting, and communicating in general so I wanted to share a little clip about authentic posting and how we’re showing ourselves online (and if matches how we are in person). How do you know you’ve posted authentically? Let me know in the comments below!