confidence vs competence

pep talk on feeling good enough

I’ve seen a confidence theme come up recently with my students and it always starts out with the same two words: 

I can’t.

I can’t apply to that college.

I can’t be friends with them.

I can’t apply to that job. 

I can’t try out for that group. 

Does any of this sound familiar? Telling ourselves we can’t do something can feel protective then we don’t need to put ourselves out there. No need to take a chance or set yourself up for possible rejection. As a reframe to this issue, I always ask myself: 

Do I have a confidence issue or a competence issue?

99.9999% of the time what’s being described as a competence issue (I’m not good enough. I can’t do it) is really just a confidence issue. I’ll be with a totally capable, wonderful, student and they tell me that they can’t do something, but in reality they’re totally capable of doing the exact thing that they tell me they can’t do. It’s not about becoming more competent; it’s about building up confidence. 

An example I see a lot is the confidence to apply to colleges and  jobs. I’ll  be with someone who is smart and amazing inside out, and they tell me all about the college/jobs they’re not going to apply to. Yet, what I see is someone with all the qualifications needed for whatever they’re telling me they can’t do. It doesn’t guarantee that we get into every college or get every job interview. Confidence is about resilience, trust in ourselves, and the ability to be in the unknown. I also have faith that every outcome is for the highest good. 

If you’ve been telling yourself you “can’t” a lot lately take a deep breath, ask yourself: are you have a confidence issue or a competence issue? If it’s a confidence issues, I encourage you with that clarity to make a move!

 

What to do when Someone Makes Fun of your Body

By middle school, 40-70 percent of girls are dissatisfied with two or more parts of their body, and body satisfaction hits rock bottom between the ages of 12 and 15.1  This also coincides with girls’ self-esteem peaking when they are 9 years old.2

These statistics remind me of how important it is to treat our body like our most treasured possession, but how hard it is when someone makes fun of the way we look. The world would be so boring if we all were identical. You were given your unique attributes to make you you; not so you could beat yourself up. When someone says something unkind, it’s because they’re uncomfortable with themselves. Check out my video for more tips and tricks!

 

https://youtu.be/In8BdRrvt0c

 

The Confidence Game Changer

During college I was on the BC Pom Squad where I danced at all the football and basketball games. Recently, my mom asked me how it felt to cheer on the team all those years. I told her I was a performer, not a cheerleader, but it made me think. I was there to show school spirit and support Boston College so she was right. I was a cheerleader. Over the last few weeks, I’ve realized that I’m still a cheerleader. As a mentor I support and champion for girls all day long. This is the game changer: Everyone needs a cheerleader and it’s the key to confidence.

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We all need to hear encouragement from an impartial third party. Parental support is incredibly important, but can sometimes be ignored. A cheerleader guides girls to see their own value. Everyone needs help believing in themselves. There is invaluable strength that comes from having another person cheer you on. Also when you have a cheerleader, it helps you become a better cheerleader for others. Take some time today to send your cheerleaders a little extra love!

The Advice I got From Taylor Swift

Today I’m sharing what I learned from Taylor Swift about #squadgoals with my best friend, McKenzie. When there’s a lot going on during the holiday season we can get caught up in what everyone else is doing. McKenzie is one of my biggest supports and today we’re chatting about it!

https://youtu.be/vUCI-IyJmOQ

What to do when you Find Yourself Jealous

Vantage Points

 

The other day I found myself jealous as I scanned through a (stranger’s) instagram feed. The girl looked like she was having a super successful day while I was figuring out how to delete hacked code from my website… in my pajamas. Jealousy and envy are normal human emotions that aren’t talked about too often. Even in the mentoring groups I run as a professional big sister, we kind of breeze by it and instead talk about comparing. So what is jealousy really? For the rest of the article click here.

How to get Beautiful Skin

My best friend, McKenzie, is the Global Trainer and Lead Aesthetician at Tata Harper, an amazing natural skin care brand. Today she’s giving us all the scoop on how to get great skin. In this video, we cover how to clear up blemishes, what to do after a workout, and the biggest secret to beauty. This might be my most favorite video ever!

https://youtu.be/Tei5zcP9oBo

Also because McKenzie is one of the most generous people I know, she’s giving away Tata Harper products on my Instagram.  Check out it out later today for all the details on how to win the essentials package. It’s magical. Thanks McKenzie for all your amazing tips! I feel so lucky to be your friend!

 

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My Creative Secret to Falling Asleep at Night

Winding down at night can be a challenge. I know because it’s one of the questions I get asked the MOST. Today I’m sharing my little creative secret to help shut down all the thoughts in your head so you can actually get to sleep!

 

https://youtu.be/q8ylSzVYgXk

 

 

 

My Secret for Managing Stress and Finding Balance

Everyday my students tell me how stressed out they are and I totally get it. We have so much going on that it can be hard to do everything. The amount of questions I get about finding balance are on an all time high, but what interests me is my student’s shift into anxiety and its relationship to worthiness, deserving, and feeling good enough. Stress and anxiety are all things that EVERYONE faces, but what helps? My secret:

My Secret to Managing Stress and Finding Balance-2

Mentorship and meditation.

These two things together helped me realize that I’m enough as I am. I don’t need anything on the outside (likes on Insta, cool friends, a hot boyfriend) to feel like I’m worthy on the inside. Allowing myself to be mentored has opened me up to hearing the, “Me Too,” or knowing that everything I’m going through is normal and human. It’s helped me get to know myself. Girls come to me all the time feeling like they need to be fixed. You’re not broken. There’s nothing wrong with you. Your fears are normal.

The second secret is meditation. You can’t get to know yourself if you’re not able to sit with yourself. Meditation is recharging. It’s a way to find peace in chaos, but you need to work it in order for it to work for you. Girls feel like it’s hard to meditate, but that’s a myth. Want to build a meditation practice? Below is my meditation playlist on Spotify (which all my students ask me about). Some songs are upbeat for energy. Some are softer to calm you down. Pick a song and focus on your breath for the entirety. Everyday is different so sometimes it will be easy to sit; somedays it’ll be hard. Thoughts start to drift? Totally okay! Come back to focusing on your breath. Try to meditate once a day for 21 days. You’ll be surprised how much you crave your meditation time once it becomes part of your routine.