parent pep talk: how not to drown in what your kids throw at you

Your child comes home from middle/high school upset. Your kid calls you overwhelmed at college. If you’re a parent, there’s a good chance you’ve been in these situations at some point and it’s painful! You know it’s something your kids have to figure out on their own, but you also want to swoop in… then they seem to move on and you’re still in all the stress. In this pep talk, I’m sharing what it really means when we get stuck in our kids’ stuff, what you can do to help yourself and your kids, and what a regulation ritual looks like.


 

what happens when we don’t deal with feelings

Ever notice how past events can get pulled into the present? Sometimes it’s from undealt with feelings. In this episode, I share what the difference between “little t” trauma and “big T” trauma is, how the past shows up in the present, and where unfelt feelings pop up!


 

2 ways to create foundational mental wellness

We know what it takes to create physical wellness for ourselves, but what about the mental? If you’re someone who runs anxious, stressed, or can find themselves blue, having a solid wellness foundation can be really helpful. In this pep talk, I share two things to do to create a foundation of mental wellness that can help you navigate the ups and downs of life.

a mentor tip for procrastination

Do you procrastinate? If you feel stressed around all you have to do or are someone who tends to put things off, I’ve got a mentor tip for you. It’s to create what I call an “ick list,” and it’s exactly what it sounds like.

listen to the pep talk here: 

I created this technique when I had a lot of adulting to do that I kept putting off. The ick list is for the tasks that aren’t fun, pile up, and stress you out over time. I see this kind of stress show up for college students or anyone going back to school. You kind of just want to veg and enjoy the rest of your summer, but you also have a lot to do to get ready for the new school year. 

Mentor Insight:

Whenever there’s a transition involved, I always feel like it takes a little more energy to do your regular stuff. I believe this for two reasons: one because you burn extra energy in transition. For example, if you’re a freshman going into college you may feel like you’re using a lot of energy in the anticipation of what’s next. There is a lot of mental energy that goes into anything that involves planning or change.

Secondly, I think that sometimes procrastination can be a nervous system defense mechanism. It can be related to fear and it’s a pattern that we can shift.

This is where the “ick list” comes in. I get out of piece of paper and I write out, not type out, all the things I have to do that are bringing me stress and anything I’ve been procrastinating on. I basically write down all the tasks that are making me feel icky. After I’ve written everything out, I take a look at the list and I pick out the three things that are bringing me the most stress. When that’s complete you pick one of the three things and just get it done.

There’s a little bit of mentor self-discovery here too. For myself, I learned that what causes me stress is how long something has been on my list not how big the task is. The longer I put it off, the more stress it brings me.

Also, when you start something, you build momentum around it. Once you figure out what task you’re going to get done first it helps build flow for the others.  There’s also alchemy in taking something out of your head and putting it on paper.  It can kind of neutralize to some of the feelings around all the things you have to do floating in your head.  And that is how the ick list works! 

stack stress support

Stack stress is a term I’ve made up to describe what happens when you have a lot going on at once, put caring yourself allll the way at the bottom of your list, then one tiiiiny thing tips everything over. Sound familiar? I bet it does for many! If you’ve ever cried over feeling overwhelmed this is the episode for you. In today’s pep talk, I share 3 things you can do when you feel the pressure of stack stress.

mentioned links: 

an easy exercise for shifting stress

all the stress

The Subtle Ways to be Sweetly Seen

✨Tried to write a blog, but came out easier as a video! What I’ve been working on lately with my students (and myself): The Subtle Ways to be Sweetly Seen✨

 

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I am in Awe & Why you Should be Too

I heard from a lot of girls that they had the back-to-school scaries and I felt it too. Getting into the swing of things can be difficult after break (and now a snow day).

So I decided to make a list of all the resources I had for girls to help make their transition easier, but it turned into a moment where I began to reflect on what I have created. It reminded me of when I used to choreograph for dance. I would hear music and be able to see how I wanted everyone to move in my mind. After months of practice, it was complete on stage. What was once in my head, had become something greater than myself with the help of others. It conjured awe and that’s what looking at my mentoring practice feels like for me. I am in awe. 

Last spring while I finished up school, I started to babysit a precocious two year old. I would try (and fail) to define awe. When we would look at the clear New York City skyline from Hoboken, I’d try to convey awe in terms of wonder. One night we chased a big full moon. Awe in terms of vastness. How I wouldn’t see him for a week and by the next time I was over, he’d have all these new words in his vocabulary. Awe from being amazed. This is what I feel when I look at the girls I’ve mentored. The feeling of being blown away, largely thanks to all of you.

I encourage everyone to seek out moments of wonder, not only because it feels good, but studies have even found, “connections between the experience of awe and enhanced critical and creative thinking faculties, improved health, a sense of embeddedness into collective folds and an increase in pro-social behaviours such as kindness, self-sacrifice, co-operation and resource-sharing,” (Psychology Today). 

Thank you for all the awe and wishing you a 2018 full of wonder.