modern mentorship: getting you across campus (and beyond) one pep talk at a time
In this video I share what to remember when someone is getting on your nerves. Whether it’s your friends, parents, boyfriend or girlfriend, every relationship is a mirror. It’s a reflection of yourself. Examining how you get along with the people in your life helps is a great way to start self-exploration. At the end of the day the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ghQtkb-bvk&feature=youtu.be
Have you ever been really nervous about meeting a new group of people? We all have! I remember panicking as I got out of the car for my high school orientation. I didn’t know anyone and was so anxious wondering if anyone would like me. If you’re going to camp for the summer, starting a new internship or heading to an orientation you’re going to be making tons of new friends. It can be overwhelming to meet new people, but don’t stress! In this video I share my top 4 tips for making a good first impression.
Click Play to Learn How to Make a Good First Impression
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykywwYrO6-o&feature=youtu.be
This piece originally appeared on Your Bella Life
Whether you’re doing the breaking up or being broken up with the situation is never pleasant! Ending a relationship in which two people have invested time, energy, and love is difficult. There’s no guidebook to breaking up, but as someone who has handled the end of relationships in both mature and not so charming ways, I’d like to share what I’ve learned along the way.
1. Come from an extremely loving place
If you’re breaking up then there was obviously a time when you felt the butterflies and love for the person you were together with. No matter how serious the relationship or if it lasted years or months, come from a space of deep love. This means hearing the other person out and understanding that they’re hurting and uncomfortable too. I know it’s cheesy, but it’s so true, treat others like you would want to be treated. Would you like to be texted that a relationship is over? No. So don’t do that to someone else.
2. Be compassionate
Directly related to the “Golden Rule” is compassion. No matter what side of a break up you’re on, be kind. I know this can be hard especially if you’re mad and hurt, but you’re never going to regret being compassionate even if you’re taken off guard. The other person is scared and sad just like you. Being nice can be hard, I know! Keep in mind that the person is doing the very best they can in that moment.
Being compassionate also means having compassion for yourself. You don’t need to be fixed. There’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t blame the failure of the relationship on either party. Endings occur because you’ve learned the lessons you were meant to and it’s time to move on and grow through different experiences. That’s all. It doesn’t mean you’re unlovable. You totally deserve love! What you’ve learned in this relationship was what was best for your own personal growth and so is the break up.
3. Be honest, but not dramatic
Pleading, screaming, stomping, facebooking, tweeting, instagraming your feelings are actions that could potentially live forever on the internet and definitely in the mind of your ex. It’s hard to communicate feelings! Why do you think so many people avoid it? Be honest with how you’re feeling without being dramatic. Your point is always better made when you’re centered and calm.
Sometimes a break up is surprising. Sometimes it’s in public (I was once broken up with in a Starbucks). Sometimes it’s in the home you share. All these scenarios can you leave you feeling confused over what to say. Once you’ve gathered up your thoughts and have had a conversation around the break up that’s that. Calling up later with follow up questions will only leave you wanting more. You’re never going to feel like you said everything perfectly. Trust everything that was meant to be said, was said. You’re also doing your absolute best in that given moment!
4. When it’s done let it be done
Sometimes not ending up together is the happily ever after part of the relationship. It’s unfair to yourself as well as your partner to keep texting or calling after the break up. Moving on is best done when you take space to get to know yourself again. Date yourself for a while! If you’re meant to be together in the future then you will be guided together without any forcing on your part. Take the time as an opportunity for self-growth.
5. Don’t deprive yourself of the grieving process
It’s totally okay and normal to be sad! You can still have a strong sense of inner worth as you cry over an ex-boyfriend. Let yourself feel the emotions that are coming up. It’s the only way to really release them. As Robert Frost said, “The best way out is always through.” Cry. Talk to your friends. Write in a journal. Take up a new hobby. The grieving process is an important part of letting go. When you shift your mindset to see a break up as a new beginning disguised as an ending it becomes a lot easier to embrace what lies ahead instead of clinging on to the past.
All break ups are unique hitting different levels on the emotional scale. You’re never going to regret being loving and compassionate even when a relationship ends. Having an open heart makes you a better person. Spend some time going inward. Remember that those who are to meet will meet and that when you’re ready, your next relationship will flow effortlessly into your life at the right time.
I know! I shouldn’t take any kind of romantic cues from rom-coms, but I couldn’t help myself. This line was just too good!
Press play to find out the best relationship advice I ever got from a romantic comedy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ncWoRxxRok
We are told to push and make things happen when sometimes the best thing to do is let things flow. Whether you’re in the beginning, middle or end of a relationship, make sure you’re doing the things that make YOU happy. When you’re happy people can’t help but be attracted to you. People will come into your life; doors will open where you didn’t think there were any. Just remember you’re not responsible for anyone else’s happiness just as they’re not responsible for yours! Need help getting happy? I have a few happy tricks up my sleeve!
Digging my videos? Come chat with me this Wednesday, March 20th during Ethos Spa’s Wellness Wednesday!! Details Here.
Expectations. We all have them. We expect a situation to turn out a specific way. We expect others to act certain ways, do particular things, to fulfill certain needs for us and when they don’t, well, we get disappointed. The word “disappoint” is defined as “to fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of.” Why are we using our time and brain power on wishing people would act certain ways?
Press play to find out what to expect when you have expectations:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TNdk9Q4wag
We have no control over what people do so why use your energy on it? Instead think about where your real power lies. You have the ability to control how you act and how you perceive a person or situation. In those moments where you feel let down by a friend, disappointed in a romantic partner or upset at a parent, remember that the only person you can change is yourself. Ask yourself, did my expectations of this person cause this discomfort? Expectations are super limiting. I wouldn’t want the pressure of living up to someone’s expectations of me so why would I put that on someone else?
I know we all do it! We compare ourselves to other people. We look to our friends, siblings, relationships, celebrities and see what they have and wonder why we don’t have it. Comparing is a hard habit to break, but I’ve got two main reasons why we should cut it out.
Press play to find out why comparing is a big waste of time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKPoopS-XJA
Next time you find yourself comparing, give yourself a break! We are all on earth for a unique purpose. This means that your life’s journey is different from everyone else’s and ALL YOUR OWN. Next remind yourself that everyone is comparing themselves even that person you’ve made really special in your mind so don’t feed into the circle of comparisons! As always feel free to leave comments below with your feelings about comparing yourself to other people.