how to overcome overthinking in dating
Have you ever come home from hanging out with someone or going out on a date and immediately jumped right into your own head about everything?
“Do they like me?”
“Are they going to ask me out for a second date?”
“What do they think of me?”
“Am I going to ever hear from them again?”
A big one for me used to be: “Did I say too much???”
This is one of my favorite topics to mentor on because I’ve had such a profound shift by re-framing dating in the way I’m sharing today.
There’s a Yiddish word, bashert that Tosha Silver talks about in her book Outrageous Openness, as “meant to be,” in terms of a romantic relationship. If you Google it you’re going to get the sense of bashert meaning “one’s predestined soulmate.” In my opinion, I feel like this is what Taylor Swift talks about in her song Invisible Strings. She writes:
“And isn’t it just so pretty to think
All along there was some
Tying you to me?”
So how does this relate to overthinking in dating? When I applied bashert and invisible strings to dating I became more confident and dating became more fun:
- you don’t have to worry about meeting the right person because there are invisible strings that tie you to the people that you’re meant to meet
- if you’re meant to meet certain people and you have a predestined soulmate then you do not have to worry about being yourself. You can relax. Nothing can mess it up.
Side-note, I also think that we have more than one soulmate in a lifetime. Friend soulmates, client soulmates, romantic soulmates. You have invisible strings pulling you to the right people, at the right time.
Take a second here to think about the invisible strings you have with the people that you love in your life. I think about how I met my best friend on the first day of dance team at college. She grew up in Oklahoma. I grew up in New Jersey. We met at college and it had to take a lot of things to line up for us to be at the same school, at the same time, born in the same year, in the same grade. I thank my invisible strings for that!
I texted my friend Peri Zarrella who is an intuitive counselor about invisible strings too because I could not help myself! When she feels into people’s energy especially romantic energy or partnership energy she says,
“I see bonds like a string like a Venn diagram. I always see three energies. Person A’s energy, Person B’s energy, and then AB the shared connection. If it’s an unconditional love bond I see a thread connecting the two in love.”
What’s really cool is that Peri can see these bonds before people even meet. That for me shows that there’s an invisible connection pulling two people together. If there’s already a pull there for you, can you relax into trusting in bashert?
If you’re someone trying to call in a partner or want to be in a relationship you can take some time to meditate upon the invisible strings. Imagine you’re pulling in the right person like a magnet. You can pull in your invisible strings.
If you’re someone who goes into straight overthinking mode especially in dating remember those who are meant to meet will meet and there’s an invisible string that ties to the right people, in the right way, at the right time. There’s nothing you need to but be yourself.