modern mentorship: getting you across campus (and beyond) one pep talk at a time
“Everyone has friends already.” “I don’t have anyone to hang with.” There’s an expectation that you get to campus and immediately click, connect, and have a group of friends. For most people that doesn’t happen! In this pep talk, we chat the real timeline of college friendships, stress around picking sophomore year roommates, and why your whole time at college is a great time to meet people (not just freshmen year).
mentor links:
There’s obvious change that happens in life where you know it’s coming like starting or graduating college, but then there’s not-so-obvious big changes like letting go of an old thought pattern or deciding you want something and figuring out how to go after it. We pay a lot of attention to the big changes, but I’ve found that most change comes from the sum of many subtle shifts. Today’s pep talk is not about managing change, but more about when the change you want to see in your life isn’t really happening, if you feel stuck, or what to think about when you want something to change.
“I’m not good enough.” “I’m not smart enough.” “I can’t do that.” Have you ever said any of those to yourself? The stories we tell ourselves (about ourselves) are incredibly important and believe it or not for many people, a life long story you create about yourself can start during high school. In today’s pep talk, I share some common high school stories that pop up during the college process, how they affect your present, and how to change your story if you don’t love the one you’re telling yourself.
more mentoring:
mentor links:
Do you do something every day to honor your inner self?
I, for sure, did not in high school and college, but now I rely heavily on them for my mental wellness and share these strategies with my students to help move through anxiety and stress. They’ve become a student favorite because they yield big results.
For me, an inner practice is a daily action intended to cultivate the relationship you have with yourself. Nurturing your inner world totally supports your outer world because how you feel about yourself impacts everything in your life.
After having a hard time sleeping over the summer, I recommitted even more by ritualizing my routine. According to business coach, Erica Keswin rituals take an everyday habit and turn it magical by giving it meaning. She also shared the 3 P’s of rituals:
rituals give us a sense of psychological safety
a connection to purpose
which leads to improved performance
When we make our inner practices a ritual, we take it to the next level. The psychological safety is you doing it all the time. The purpose is the meaning you give it, whether it’s time to feel your feelings or time for self exploration. The last part is it improves performance because when you take time to really support your inner world it’s going to have a total effect on how you see your outer world.
An inner practice I’ve ritualized is Purge Emotional Writing from Dr. Habib Sadeghi. I do it every day in the morning and the meaning behind it is the intention get out my feelings (hello sensitivity) so I can be clear for my day. The final part is the improved performance. I can tell when I miss a day of my ritual because I feel more anxious. Another practice I’ve ritualized is meditating between the end of my work day and the start of my personal life.
Here are some inner practice tips and tricks:
I’m not kidding when I say that this has been a major game changer in my own life and something that I help my students with all the time. By the way, you can ritualize mentorship as well! Sending you all a lot of love in the week ahead!
What’s the easier question to answer: “What are you good at?” or “What are you bad at?” My guess is the latter. Knowing what you’re good at feels like it should be obvious, but it’s not! In today’s pep talk, I’m sharing why it can be hard to see your good stuff, why it’s important to know your strengths, and a mentor trick for identifying what your gifts are!
Knowing what you’re good at is important. Positive psychology talks about how using our strengths everyday makes for a happier person and we need to think about what we’re good at when we apply to colleges or jobs even when making new friends.
Sometimes we’re too close to our good stuff to really see what it is. It comes so naturally that we don’t see it as a strength. On the flip side, it can be so much easier to focus on what we don’t have, instead of what we do. Another layer is sometimes what you perceive as a weakness is really a strength, maybe even your superpower.
Here’s my mentor trick to seeing your good stuff:
Ask someone you trust to answer these three questions.
Now, I know this could feel potentially super awkward to ask someone what you’re good at so I created a worksheet. Career coach, Ashley Stahl, uses this technique with her clients as well and I liked her tip to have the person write it down so you can refer back to it. This is especially important if you’re creating a resume or writing a college essay. You can do it with a best friend, a partner, your mom or dad, family member, mentor, teacher etc. Just make sure it’s someone supportive and who knows you.
Personally, I’m really excited to share these questions because I feel like one of my strengths is that I’m able to intuitively see people’s higher self and their highest potential so I love being of service in this way. If you’re one of my students and want me to do this for you let me know and we’ll do it together!
We are also so lucky today because I had a friend and one of my current students volunteer to let me fill this form out for them on the podcast so I can show you that it’s really not awkward to have people answer these questions for you!
It’s so interesting to see what other people see in you that maybe you don’t see in yourself.
In the last half of 2020, I started signing off my weekly newsletter with something I wished for everyone during the week. It became one of my favorite practices so I went back and collected the themes as they’re what I wish for you all in 2021:
big dreams
clarity
calm
gentle guidance
comfort in liminal space
a deep sense of inner peace
connection
fomo freeness
ease
softness
and most of all lots of health.
I am rooting into these words more than ever. If January is already feeling long, here are some tips on navigating liminal space: the time between what was and what’s next.
A side effect of social media I’ve see consistently in my private practice is FOMO (fear of missing out). It always seems to amp up over holidays heavy in expectation like New Year’s Eve. It’s so easy to look at social media, see what people are up to, and compare it to what you’ve got going on. In today’s pep talk, I’m sharing what totally changed my perspective on Holiday FOMO. This is always one of my most popular pep talks because it is so universally felt!
Holiday Fomo is when you see other people celebrate any holiday and it makes you feel like you’re missing out or doing it wrong. Social media has taken it to the next level too. We check out of her own life, to check into someone else’s. and then we compare. I find that this spikes during the holidays especially like New Year’s Eve or like 4th of July which is the New Year’s Eve of the summer.
If you’re in a situation where you’re having some Holiday Fomo, here’s what I always remind myself:
Where you are is exactly where you’re meant to be.
You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re not in the wrong place. You’re not missing out. Wherever you are is where you’re meant to be. My yoga teacher Amy during our training had a different quote posted every time we met. One quote I always still think about is by Hafiz which said:
This place where you are right now, God circled on a map for you.
Whenever I’m in a FOMO space I think about that quote. It takes away any of the pressure that I’m doing the wrong thing or that my plans are not good enough. This also opens the opportunity to think about how to make the best of whatever situation you’re in. What are the positives? If you’re feeling holiday FOMO creep in, remember that wherever you are is exactly where you’re meant to be and then jump off social media. People never show you the full picture of what’s going on anyway. You are where you’re meant to be.
The pandemic has turned college admissions upside down. Without SAT/ACT scores, extracurriculars, and with semesters of pass/fail grades, the traditional admissions rubric no longer works. This is a huge opportunity as more weight shifts to a student’s character making essays, interviews, and recommendations essential. In this episode, I share my #1 tip to stand out in college essays and cover letters. Knowing who you are, why you want to be a student at a specific school, and how to articulate it, is now crucial. This is a pandemic shift I am actually excited about!
::CREATING YOUR INNER CIRCLE::
Who are the people in your life that you tell the truth about yourself to?
This is your inner circle…
And it’s not an easy thing to put together. During covid, community is more important than ever. I know I’ve definitely felt isolated!
When I just graduated college, I used to go to Monday night Gabby Bernstein groups where I met a lot of people with like minded interests, but how do we do that in times of quarantine? Megan McDowell of Heartworks shares with me how to build this inner circle at 45 minutes in the podcast below.
Creating community starts with yourself. If you’re only projecting to people that you have your shit together all the time, life is going to be very lonely. This is also why mentorship has been so important to me. Mentors are in my inner circle that meet me and accept where I’m at.
Watch the video clip here:
https://www.instagram.com/tv/CD1-Vi4j_wUrYArFjaEnb6d3YawA0lCJ39lw2U0/
full episode here:
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxPsxGDHCqG/